


When the Moon Hits Your Eye Cuz It Ain't in the Sky

by sincerelymendacious



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Joke Fic, inspired by a shitpost, set while Fred is still an orderly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 00:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19734982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelymendacious/pseuds/sincerelymendacious
Summary: Fred finds Boyd out on the roof in the middle of the night.





	When the Moon Hits Your Eye Cuz It Ain't in the Sky

**Author's Note:**

> This drabble was inspired by a video my friend Kai at the psychowhatsits discord posted. It was about a drunk woman who couldn't find the moon. Thanks Kai!

The good thing about having legs longer than most men were tall was that it made climbing stairs a piece of cake.

That's what Fred thought to himself as he hurried up the staircase that led to the roof of Thorney Towers Home for the Disturbed, bypassing at least five steps with each of his strides. One of the patients, a jittery little woman named Didi Biddle, claimed to have heard some very loud stomping while trying to bed down for the night, and it was making her biological clock run faster, as she put it. So Fred had told her that he'd go have a look up on the roof, if she promised to wait patiently outside of her room for his return.

The staircase was long, unusually so for any medical building. The architect justified this design decision by stating that any patient attempting to get up to the roof would find themselves exhausted before they even got halfway up. Fred knew this because it was what the architect had told him; his room was on the floor that Fred was in charge of.

It seemed, however, that the architect had greatly underestimated the physical endurance of his fellow patients, for Fred could hear the stomps now himself, growing louder the closer Fred got to the roof. Then, once he had gotten three-quarters of the way there, a low, rambling mutter became audible through the door that led out to it. "Oh jeez," Fred whispered under his breath as he carefully edged the door open with his foot, the patient outside having neglected to close it all the way. "Not again."

The voice belonged to one Boyd Cooper, pacing up and down on the roof right above where Didi's room was. How he had gotten out of his room, Fred did not know, but he suspected it may have had something to do with the frequent smoke-breaks his co-worker liked to take. _Someone's gonna get himself killed on Marcus' watch, I swear._ He ducked down below the door frame and stepped out, emerging onto the roof, considering the way he should approach this. One had to be careful when handling Boyd Cooper. Making too much noise would startle him into a panic, but being too quiet would have him thinking that you were trying to sneak up on him once he eventually caught sight of you. Fred decided that acting casual would probably be best, so he walked up as though he were approaching Boyd in the rec room and not on the roof in the middle of the night. "Hey, Boyd!" Fred called out, waving as Boyd turned his head in his direction. "What's up? Kinda late for a stroll!"

Boyd wasted no time in informing Fred of what was up. Or rather, what was not up. "The moon!" he yelled, pointing upwards.

Fred waited for more elaboration on that statement, and then when none came, looked up. The sky was dark with the heavy clouds that often obscured the stars, the moon only a faint glow behind them. "The moon?"

"It's gone!" He spread his legs wide apart as though bracing himself for impact, both of his hands gesticulating wildly towards the sky. "I looked out of my window and there it wasn't! Vanished! Disappeared! M.I.A!"

Oh boy, this was a new one. "Boyd," he said, holding his hands up and taking a step toward him, "the moon's not gone-"

"Find it!" he shouted, jabbing his finger at Fred. "We've got to find it! Before they use it!"

Fred took another step closer, his concern growing. Some of his co-workers found Boyd's strange notions amusing- most of the conspiracies he came up were too absurd to be offensive, and were seemingly harmless for the most part. Fred had never found it funny, however, especially not now, when he could see how wide and full of fear Boyd's eyes were. The moon was definitely not missing- Fred imagined that if it was, some kind of alarm would be going off somewhere- but Boyd thought that it was, and it was genuinely making him scared. "Boyd, the moon isn't missing." He reached forward to touch him reassuringly on the shoulder, but then caught himself and stopped, remembering that Boyd didn't like to be touched.

Boyd swept his arm in an upward arch. "Yes it is!" he yelled, swiveling his head this way and that to confirm that it was not visible. "It's not there! It's not anywhere in the sky!" He cast a desperate look onto Fred. "We've got to find it!"

"Boyd," Fred said, his tone gentle but firm. He needed to remain calm in the face of Boyd's outbursts, lest he rile the man up more. "Look at my finger," he said, holding up his hand.

Boyd gave him a suspicious look, but then obeyed, perhaps curious to see if Fred could actually locate the missing moon. Fred drew his hand up, and pointed towards where the moon glowed softly behind a cloud. "You see that yellow thing up there?"

Boyd followed Fred's finger and then squinted. "Behind the clouds?"

Fred nodded. "Give it a minute." A minute passed, and so did the clouds above, moving eastward with the wind. "Oh!" Boyd said, his mouth dropping open in shock. "There it is!" His body went slack with relief, the fear in his eyes departing. "Oh my God, they haven't gotten it!" He began to jump up and down, a big smile alighting his face."It's safe! It's there in all its glory!"

"Yep! It's still there." Fred grinned down at him, glad that Boyd had calmed down somewhat. He still needed to get him off the roof- if they were caught by another orderly then Fred would have little choice but to penalize Boyd for breaking curfew. "Listen, I'd like to know who they are," Fred said, motioning over towards the door, "but I don't think we should do it here."

"Oh no!" Boyd shook his head fervently. "No, no, it's not safe out here in the open." He pushed past Fred, muttering something about crows.

Boyd waited until Fred had closed and locked the door behind them before revealing who he had thought responsible for the moon's supposed disappearance. "Werewolves," he said plainly.

"Werewolves?" Fred repeated, unsure if he had heard right.

Boyd crossed his arms over his chest and nodded solemnly. "Werewolves."

Huh. Fred would pegged Boyd for more of an alien guy. "Werewolves, huh," he mused as they made their way down the stairs, Fred allowing Boyd to get a bit of a lead on him in order to give his legs some room to maneuver.

"They want the moon," Boyd explained, his voice echoing throughout the narrow space. "They need it so that they can stay wolves forever." He paused, scratching his head. "Or so that they never become them. I don't know which yet."

That actually made a bit of sense. "And how would they have gotten the moon?" Fred asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Oh, they've got a plan, my man," Boyd said, turning his head back toward Fred. "And I know all about it." He shifted his eyes from side to side. "But I can't tell you here. The walls…" he trailed off, mouthing the words 'have ears' at Fred. "I'll tell you, but we've gotta go to my room. They can't get us there, because the bugs the CIA put in it are made of silver."

Fred was reasonably sure that the only bugs in the asylum were the silverfish in the pipes, but he was more than happy to have an excuse to escort Boyd safely back to his room. "Lead the way."


End file.
